Every time I think of the word 'extravaganza' lately, Jack's 'Nugga-bonza!' jumps into my head.
That said, Andy's Amazing Interweb Extravaganza continues today with a landmark post, very much in the attitude of Matt's October Fun Week.
With the end of spring fast approaching, I have come to realize that this year's summer may well become known as 'The Greatest Summer Ever.' While this is not yet an official title (and can't be until a retrospective look proves it so), there are a few reasons why the speculation has merit:
- A steady job, with a three-day weekend every week.
- The cheapness of charcoal, and the existence of the Backyard Barbeque Mecca (my house).
- Having a 'summer plan,' but without the clouds of invitable school hanging over the month of August.
- The Birthday Triforce, composed of Jared, The Grange, and Myself, which will enact a celebration spanning the entire month of July.
- My brother's PlayStation2 keeping me company on my lonely days at home.
- The 1968 Triumph TR-4A convertible that lurks in the recesses of the parents garage, awaiting to be brought to life again.
Adding further weight to this speculation is the approach of a good number of friends to the great Pacific Northwest:
- The possibility of brief visits from both Furst and Bobby Shay at various points, and the enticement of out-of-doors adventures with both.
- The introduction of 'Humorless' Joe Splinter on the gentle forests and calm waters of the Puget Sound.
- Lindsey
- The return of Jared Flood and Erik Bergset to the Tacoma bosom that has intellectually and socially succored them for many a year.
- And let's not forget Jack, who is heroically remaining behind to help defend Fort Nisqually against the onslaught of indian braves, set on destroying him after his recurring engagements with the wife of good Chief Runningfoot.
And who knows what other wonders the warm, summer breeze will carry with it. I think at least one thing can be counted on:
- The rampant use of dashed, and perhaps even bulleted, lists.
Today at work, my fellow front desk employee posed me with a thought-provoking question: What would Mother Theresa be like as a world leader?
That got me to thinking, 'Maybe she's right, maybe what this world needs is less leaders like George Bush, and more leaders like Mahatma Gandhi.' I mean, can we even begin to think of all the possibilities that such a change could generate?
Well, I did, and here's a few of the ways I think our world would be a better place:
- Instead of McDonalds, we'd have soup kitchens in every neighborhood.
- Habits would become the new style for women, with a zany new way to wear them coming out every six months or so.
- Rather than going to war, countries would use conscientious objection and send soldiers to large sit-ins at enemy cafeterias.
- Bono would finally be sainted, his three miracles officially listed as 1) The close comparison between his voice and that of Metatron, 2) Getting Edge to smile, and 3) Ensuring that Arizona continues to observe MLK Jr. Day.
- As part of a new governmental regulation, Smith and Wesson would develop a new gun: a potato launcher called the 'Famine Buster.'
- Where pro wrestling used to entertain the masses, pro meditation will hit like a storm. Vince McMahon would become a zen master and WWE would come to stand for 'World Wide Enlightenment.'
- Dingy robes would become the new style for men, with a zany new way to wear them coming out every six months or so.
- In an effort to get in touch with the younger generation, Gandhi would produce, and breakdance, in a new Fatboy Slim remix - 'Weapon of Choice: Passivism.'
- Instead of jails, new 'learning centers' would be instated. These centers would be based upon the principle of educating criminals who voluntarily turn themselves in.
- Police would become 'mentors' under this new system, and shows like 'Law & Order' and 'Oz' would be replaced with 'Touched By a Correctional Officer.'
- Instead of the 'delete' key, computers worldwide would feature the 'reconsider' key.
- The "Where's the beef?" guy would be replaced with the "Where's the rice?" guy.
Of course, this is just the short list. I'm certain that, given much more time and thought, a more comprehensive list of pros and cons could be developed. Even so, I think we can all begin to see the benefits.
With so many great entries to my contest, it was a difficult task to pick just one.
So I didn't.
Without further ado, here are the winners:
Most Witty: Jack
Most Random and Bizarre: Bernard
Rhyming Award: Lindsey
Most Insulting: Johnny
Dishonorable Mention: Eric
I will be incorporating Jack's line into my banner just as soon as I can figure out how that works. Then Bernard's and perhaps Lindsey's or Johnny's will be used later on.
The prize, which is a pet rock that I've been training to help disabled people accomplish daily tasks (crossing streets, reading the newspaper, that sort of thing), will be given to Jack, but as soon as it has it's coming litter, I'll be sending the babies on to the rest of you who participated.
This entry marks the 175th time I have attempted to pour my infinite wisdom onto the web. In order to commemorate this event, I'm going to begin an event I call Andy's Amazing Interweb Extravaganza. This event will be marked by periods of inactivity on my site, broken up by random and yet thoughtful moments, where I'll discuss such relevant subjects as the new face of communism, flying cars, and Nicholas Cage as Superman.
As an opening thought, I'd like to discuss my own experience at mass on Easter Sunday.
Now, unlike Trent, I didn't manage to give up anything for Lent, unless you count giving up on giving things up. Rather, I opted to continue life as normal, returning to my trend of all years past. I did, however, manage to make it to Easter Mass at my Mom's parish, St. Theresa's.
Now, all things considered, this parish is most definately on the liberal end of the Roman Catholic spectrum. Father Kevin, a wily man from the Dingle Peninsula in Ireland, manages to throw in references to Irish football more often than you'd think was possible in a homily, and at one point during the service, tricked the entire parish into responding "We are" rather than the appropriate "We do," and then joked about our inability to understand a simple question.
Another unusual aspect of the service was the rampant inclusion of music. A small youth choir, accompanied by guitars, interrupted what might be the normal flow of mass with song. Meanwhile, a twelve year old boy (from the looks of things) operated a full drum set, beating loudly and with the most awkward sense of rhythm imaginable. Aside from this distraction, however, the service flowed like a silk habit over the supple curves of Sister Wendy.
What caught my attention the most, during the whole fiasco, was Father Kevin's discussion of the symbolism of water in the Baptism. After taking four young children through the sacrement, he invited everyone to come to the font and renew their own baptisms by dipping their hands and giving the sign of the cross. In a very Eastern interpretation, Father explained that the water is used to affect the "drowning of the self, the sacrifice of one's own purpose to a greater cause in compassion toward all man."
Now, has anyone else (Catholic) heard of this interpretation before? For me, it was an unmistakeable echo of eastern thought: that one should give up their own body for the greater good. In Buddhism, compassion and self sacrifice are pillars of the spiritual ideal. One story, for instance, has a prince killing himself in order for a family of lions to survive. Of couse, the greater good in the sense that Father Kevin meant is the good of God, and not some family of soul-less lions.
But hey, as Jack said, Jesus was the greatest Buddhist that ever lived . .
In one of my random wanderings along the interweb, I came across this site. Oh, those wacky brits.
Also, on a Fellow Bigwhoop site, a new kind of spam has surfaced. Check it out here, here, and here.
And then there's this girl. Check out her poetry: Jack, I think the competition is heating up.
The mouse struck again this weekend. We had heard rumors that he'd returned, but hadn't seen him ourselves 'till Saturday morning.
I was cooking up some french toast for a few friends, when Mark noticed some odd sawdust on the microwave underneath one of the cabinets. When we opened the cabinet, we found that the inside edges of both doors were chipped away where they meet at the base.
Suddenly, we realized we had inadvertently trapped the mouse inside the cabinet overnight, where he let loose his fury on the door, thereby creating the sawdust. Furthermore, it dawned on us that, as we had been the first to open the door to the cabinet, the beast must still be inside!
With great caution, Mark began to empty the cabinet of all the food, while I returned to my toast. Bewildered, he found that after removing everything, there was still no mouse, and he began to check the cabinet for holes.
After only a few minutes, Mark shook his head and claimed "Damnit! There's no damn holes, where did that fucker get to?" But truly it had vanished.
So, while I continued attending to my toast, Mark began checking the food for mouse contamination. I watched as he carefully peeked into various containers, checking for little mouse shits, until he finally came to the Cream of Wheat.
He peeked into the box, but the opening was too small to see clearly, so carefully he bagin to pour the dried cereal out. Before he even got the first grain, out fell the beast right into his opened hand!
Stunned, Mark let a blood-curdling squeal, and the mouse took his chance to dissapear to his hole in the corner of the kitchen!
Needless to say, Mark's fell determination was now upon the mouse, and he began taunting the beast while pacing the kitchen. But the mouse proved too cowardly for Mark's challenges.
In the end, I grabbed a trap while running errands at Target later in the day. A lethal one.
In other news, Jack and I are set to begin writing our first Comicbook. We have a rough idea for a first issue, which I'm going to develop, then Jack will work on a second, and we'll continue on swapping till the story is done.
As a happy coincidence, a sister of a friend may be willing to draw for us. It appears this girl went to art school specifically in the hopes of one day drawing a comic. She has no interest in writing, but really just wants to draw, which is a pretty serendipidous coincidence for Jack and I.
And so begins the rest of our lives . . .
Addendum
The mouse trap worked like a dream. I set it in the cabinet with a lump of peanut butter as bait, and when I checked late Sunday night, he was there and quite dead. Now to clean up all those shits on the counter . . .